Dr Catherine
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8-15 years

Hello Dr Cathrine, My daughter is 13 and needs to wear drynites. At the weekend after next she will stay at her aunt, my sister in law. There she also has two cousins, both are girls too. The younger one is 5 years and also in drynites, the older one is 11 years but dont need them. My daughter is afraid that the older one will find out that she still wets the bed and teasing her (and my older niece is indead sometimes a bit "capricious"). Thats why my daughter would prefer it to sleep in her younger cousins room, but here is the problem that the older cousin might get suspicious. I also have no idea how i can convince my sister in law to be more discreet with this? In her younger daughters room is still a changing room and the drynites and also babydiapers where visible to all on a shelf and she even puts her daughter into drynites or diapers in front of guests! Have you ideas for me what i could say to her that she will not do this to my daughter and maybe also to stop this treatment with her own? Thanks!

Dear Hanna, please accept my apologies for the slight delay in responding over the Christmas and New Year period. This is understandably a very delicate situation and should be managed accordingly. In the short-term your priority is the treatment of your daughter so I would focus on managing this before trying to change your sister-in-law’s treatment of her own daughter. Speak with your sister-in-law privately and explain how your daughter is feeling about the situation. Regardless of how your sister-in-law has decided to manage her own daughter’s situation, each child is unique and should be treated accordingly. When you are discussing this with your sister-in-law make sure you focus on how your daughter feels and not your sister-in-law’s or cousin’s behaviour. Explain that she is feeling embarrassed about her bedwetting and would prefer not to share this with her cousins. Help identify a safe and discrete place for your daughter to store her DryNites as well as dispose of them in the morning. Purchase pyjamas that she is able to wear over her DryNites so that they will not be seen when she goes to bed. Make sure you discuss this with you daughter before she leaves as the more prepared she feels the less anxious she will be when she is away. Encourage her to ring you whenever she is feeling uncomfortable or anxious. Use this time to reassure your daughter that her bedwetting is not something to be embarrassed about, remind her that this is not her fault, many children and teenagers experience bedwetting and really it is no different to someone who suffers from asthma. All the best. Regards, Dr Cathrine